Nameless

Pain and hurt covered her face.

I first saw her when she was lying on the concrete with a tiny puddle of vomit on the sidewalk next to her. I said hi and told her that the Hope for Homeless outreach from the Dream Center would be handing out free sandwiches and water later if she wanted to stop by. She stared off into space, not acknowledging my existence. I sat with her for just a moment longer and then I smiled at her and walked off. As I walked away I heard a muffled “thanks.”

We continued on, walking down the Venice Beach Boardwalk. We prayed with some people and told them about the free food. As I watched The Hope for Homeless Youth put on a short drama about the love of Christ I saw that same woman in the corner of the group. Her head was down and she was softly muttering to herself. When it was time to hand out the food, I saw her standing in line with her head down ashamedly. I tried to make eye contact with her to smile at her, but she never looked my way. Finally she had made it to the front of the line and a lunch bag was lovingly handed to her. She looked up, said “thank you,” and then quickly put her head back down. She walked over to her own private corner and quietly ate her sandwich. I decided to start talking to her again.

I sat down next to her and said, “Hi! My name is Carrie. What’s your name?” She looked at me with heartache. It looked as if she had been through so many horrific circumstances in her life. She began to shake her head as she scowled and asked me why I even cared. I looked deep into her eyes and told her that I wanted to get to know her. She grunted displeasingly and looked away. I sat with her quietly for a few minutes. I decided to try again. “Is this the first time you’ve talked to people here from the Dream Center?” Without looking my way she said, “Why are you stilly talking to me?” My heart broke for her. There was a vanload of people who came out on the outreach, ready to pour the love of God into the lives of everyone there, including this woman. “Would you like to eat alone?” I quietly asked. “Yes, leave me the f--- alone,” was her response. “Ok! That’s fine. Enjoy your day sweetie,” I said as nicely as I could. As I left her, I turned around to smile at her.

She looked at me like she was ready to erupt in an ocean of tears. I wanted to hug her and let her cry, tell her that its ok, but I knew she wouldn’t let me. Each week as the Hope for Homeless Youth outreach goes there and hands out food and the love of Christ, I believe that her guard will drop. One day she’ll smile and be open to conversation. But it takes persistence. I think it’s important that the outreach goes out there every week. There were some homeless people who walked past us and yelled out, “Hey Dream Center!” Those are people that the ministry has developed relationships with.

The outreach helps show them hope, and the love and grace of our Savior. There were two people who almost came back to stay at the shelter then changed their minds at the last second. They wanted to stay on the streets where they were comfortable. But they know that the outreach will be there faithfully every week if they change their mind and decide to start a new chapter in their lives.

I pray that one day the woman I met will make that choice.

-Carrie